Stay Strong Tommy! 
So, I've been putting off writing in this thing for a while, so I guess it's time to get back to work.
It's been an interesting time as of late - food is still a huge issue with me, and I've come to the conclusion that it is always going to be in one way or another. So, somehow I need to find, or better yer make some peace with food. I know that it is possible because there are days where it has seemingly no control over me, and then there's the other times where I am a slave to the obsessive thoughts.
Like the rest of my life, I need to seek balance in this. Talking to a therapist has helped a lot with that - and now that I've met my medical deductible, I can start going back more regularily. The last session I had we did a form of therapy called EMDR (look it up on line - it'd be easier to do that than for me to try and explain it. Long story short, after one session I felt less guilt about some of my binge eataing and the feelings of worthlessness diminished as well. It amazed me how it worked....I was skeptical at first, but after that one session I am hopefull. I have another appointment in 2 weeks, so hopefully that will help my continue on the path to wellness. One. Day. At. A. Time.
I've had some other medical stuff I'm dealing with too - and through a barrage of expensive tests I have found out there's nothing seriously wrong. That was such a relief - that the issues I was having can be controlled with medication. I'll take the dry mouth side-effect over the other issue any day.
I'm starting to feel my age....realizing that I have become dependant on so many different meds now....But, I suppose if they help, it's ok, right?!
The band has been going really well....better than I could have ever expected...We got a new singer - Kelly and a new rhythm guitarist - Nick, and I have to admit, it's been fun playing out again. We switched booking agencies and our schedule is filling up nicely. We have some shows lined up that I am really looking forward to. Now, I don't look at the band as a purely money making thing, but I tend to look at it as a vehicle to express myself and have some fun playing music with some great friends. I am so lucky to be in a band with this group of people. It's nice that things are looking up for 76 Juliet.
I went to a concert in Madison this past Sunday night with Ethan, Vicki's son, and at first I was like, oh man, what have I gotten myself into? We pulled up and it was at the Madison Teen Center - mad, did I feel old. But we got in and secured a spot so we both could see....and I have to tell you, I was pleasantly surprised - the bands were actually really, really good....Poppy emo-rock stuff, but really well done.....My favorite band of the night was called Automatic Loveletter - I haven't stopped listening to the CD that I picked up there. The other bands I liked were Making April & Secondhand Serenade. Google 'em, or look for them on MySpace - you won't be sorry. Great music.
And the whole indie-music, original band scene really got me thinking - I want to get back to writing my own songs and recording them. I've been feeling an urge to do that for some time. Now I need to find some time to do it. I want to put a CD out - not because I want to famous or because I want to be a rock star; I want to have something out there that I can say came from me - I dunno, I guess I've been in a bit of an intro-spective kind of mood lately. I feel like I have some songs in me that I need to let out - but as with many things, getting started is the hardest part.
I have been pretty good with making it in to Fitness Together for my cardio and training - I've been doing 25 minutes a day on the elliptical or treadmill. I have to say this here - I cannot wait for spring....I definitely have some cabin fever going on.....I want to be able to run outside without 4 layers of clothes on. I am looking forward to feeling the sun on my face and the sweat on my brow as I run along the lakefront. God, I miss that. Spring, where are you?
Weigh-in's on the other hand haven't been so inspiring. I've been trending upwards - and that scares the shit out of me. The last thing I want to do is creep back up - I've worked too hard to get to this point. So, I need to do some tweaking and hopefully find something that will work.....I want to lose 38 pounds - compared to where I've come from, that's a small number, but never before has 38 felt more like 3800. <sigh> I know I'll do it, it's just trying to figure out when I'll have the restaint and self-control to do it.
Oh - I almost forgot - there was a 2 mile fun run back in February in underwood parkway for the Steve Cullen heart run/walk. I particpated in that as a member of team Baird (where I work). It was a brisk morning - ok, it was downright cold, but I survived. And, I was able to run the whole thing - all 2 miles without stopping to walk. I figured that was pretty good seeing as though 1. It was SUPER cold, 2. The terrain was snowy/icy for the majority of the route, & 3. I really haven't done a ton of outdoor running since it's been so cold. I saw a bunch of familiar faces from work there, and it was great to feel the part of such a awesome team of people.
I can't wait for the Bastille run this year. I have to try and beat my time from last year.
The more I think about it, the more I want to get back to pursuing the skin removal surgery and start writing letters to the insurance boards again. I have a hard time reaching out to people for help - I always have. Several friends and aquaintances have been presistent at trying to get me to write a letter and send it to Oprah, Montel, etc.....I guess I can see that I have a good story as far as the weight loss goes, but what makes it unique to other stories out there? I mean, what makes my weight loss story and struggles stand out over other people's stories? I dunno....maybe I'll have to do some soul searching and write that letter. Anyone out there think that's a good idea? I have to get the fight back in me....I want this, but just how bad do I want it? Pretty freakin' bad.
And, I also have felt an urge, dare I call it my calling to help people who are struggling with getting started with weight loss or fitness. Even though I am struggling, I feel like maybe I could be there to help someone get past their fears and inhibitions about making a change in their life. I don't claim to be any kind of expert, but I do have first-hand experience in what it takes to make a change and get the ball rolling. I feel like I want to write a book about my experiences, my struggles, my challenges, my over-coming difficult life-experiences and attacking life. I want to let people know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.....and unlike what I used to believe, that light is not the front of an on-coming train, but it is a light of hope. A light to lead the way to a change for the better. After all, have one trip through this life - and we need to make the best of it and do what we can to make it happen. It's up to us to make the change. Are you up for the challenge?
I know that I may not always seem the most positive guy, but underneath all the negativity I may display, I have a solid foundation based in hope and faith. I trust that everything that happens to us happens for a reason - and that we are never givin anything more than we can handle.
Keep the faith - I know I am:
Love and stuff -
YOU HAVE JUST AS GOOD OF A CHANCE OF GETTIMG ON THE SHOWS AND GETTING THE HELP YOU DESERVE AS WELL AS ANYONE ELSE! STAY STRONG! LUV YA! 
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