Ok, so this has been a pretty wild roller-coaster of a ride the last few months - since the death of Gramps, actually. I've been shaken up, but through it all I still remain confident that I can make it through....eventually. I need to remember everyday that I am a work in progress...and this journey will never end....I will never get to a point where I am the "perfect" weight and I can just sit back and get lazy or complacent. This has been a lifestyle change for me....and a daily effort to understand why I do the things I do. Most days, I have no idea why I can't resist the foods that I don not need to be eating. It's a shame, I've come so far in this process and I seem to be sabotaging myself. Frustrating.

I've tried journaling and that hasn't helped much at all....trying to write when I want to eat to figure out the why behind it. I don't know....This blog has been helpful for me, when I can keep up with writing in it. I know the times I need to write are those when I don't feel like writing, because when I write in this blog I tell the TRUTH. It's easy to not write and lie to myself. But this blog keeps me HONEST. It's a good thing and something I would recommend to anyone....Even if you start a blog and keep it private, it would be better than nothing. To be truthful, when I think about blogging, it's kind of weird...sharing this much of myself with everyone and anyone who wants to take the time to read. Baring your soul to strangers is in a way cathartic....Feeling like the things I write about can be relatable to others....And from some comments I've received, I know that's true...Comments from friends - old and new - even comments from complete strangers. In this bizarre world of weight loss and the psychology behind writing is essential...

I think I need to set some new "mini" goals and keep track of my progress here.....It's easy to say, "Well, I'm not gonna (insert behavior here)" but to write it down and hold yourself fully accountable - that's the kick in the ass that I need.

• I WILL drink at least 64oz of water per day - pure water, nothing else
• I WILL avoid all beverages with artifical sweeteners (splenda, nutrasweet, sweet 'n low)
• I WILL eliminate caffeine from my diet
• I WILL strive to eat whole foods - eliminating as many "processed" foods as I can - More fruits and Veggies - fresh or frozen
• I WILL monitor and limit the amount of sugar in my daily caloric intake
• I WILL strive to eat more protein
• I WILL avoid buying food at the gas station/convience store* *EXCEPTION - Unless it is a piece of whole fruit or Veggies
• I WILL avoid my "trigger" foods COMPLETELY - These foods include (but are in no way limited to) Protein bars, granola bars, power bars, trail mix, sugary gum, chips(baked or otherwise) and snacks, juice (100% or other), chocolate milk, anything from a candy vending machine

Here is a list of behaviors that I WILL change:

• I WILL no longer eat in my car - this has been a refuge and hiding place for me to binge for too long now
• I WILL take time to sit down and eat - no more standing and eating in front of the sink or in front of the microwave
• I WILL take the time to count to 10 (or 20) when the urge comes to eat, especially when I am not hungry
• I WILL find the time to get more sleep - this is a HUGE goal for me - I don't get nearly enough sleep
• I WILL eat only when I am hungry - I do not need to eat when I am bored or sad or anxious or depressed - This is going to be one of the hardest things for me to do.....

Here is a list of workout goals I WILL reach:

• I WILL do 3 to 4 days of Cardio
• I WILL do 2 to 3 Personal Training Sessions per week
• I WILL do additional AB work 3 days a week (150 crunches a day)
• I WILL get out and either walk or run 1 day out of the weekend - Either Saturday or Sunday
• I WILL get my Bicycle fixed and start riding to relieve stress and decompress at the end of the day
• I WILL start getting ready for the Storm The Bastille 5K - It's a tradition, you know?!
• I WILL find TWO (2) other 5k's to participate in this Year

Here are some weight-loss goals I WILL reach:

• I WILL get back under 300 pounds - That is my #1 goal right now - to see that the scale has creeped up again scares the hell out of me - I Will not let myself stay side-tracked any longer
• I WILL get back on track and start losing weight
• I WILL get to my goal weight of 260 - I was almost there, and I will be there again
• I WILL stop weighing myself obsessively - that deconstructs me more mentally than any help it might give

Wow - that's quite the list, hey?  I think I've needed to Accentuate the positive and the things that I WILL get done for a long time now.....

What WILL you do for yourself today to make sure you get to where you want to be? There's only one life - Live it to the fullest and make it be everything that you want it to be - YOU are worth it, and so am I.

Love and Stuff,