
Stay Strong Tommy!
Ok, so it's been an interesting few weeks since my over-eating post...I just came off of a 10-day stretch where the band played every day - that was more tiring to me mentally than physically. The heat, or more-so the humidity of that week of playing in a tent at the back of the State Fair was very draining - I made sure to replenish fluids - although, I probably drank more diet coke than water...I was surprised that at the end of the 10 days, my legs were feeling pretty good. I was worried about the cramping I've been dealing with due to the varicose vein in my right leg. There was only one night where I had one of those ceramps, but it went away quickly. A couple of other days, my shins cramped while I slept...that sucked, but I made it through. I think my fingertips hurt more at the end of the week than did anything else. I still managed to make it in to Fitness Together for 2 sessions that week....no additional cardio though. I didn't feel too guilty about that because when the band performed, we performed HARD. I jumped around, ran, climbed on tables....definitely kept the energy level high.
As far as food goes at the fair, i think I did fairly well....Ha...."fairly"....I crack myself up sometimes....My diet mainly consisted of MANY grilled chicked sammiches from Brew City and big pretzels from the guy across the street. I endulged one day and got some cinnamon almonds...those are just soooo dang good.
I've still been sturggling daily with food/calories/nutrition/ over-eating....It's frustrating, but I try to tell myself just take it one day at a time....I've come a long way and I know what to do to take it off and keep it off. I just need to get to the root of the problem and figure out what it is in my head that is leading me to this addiction. I started seeing a new therapist to try and tackle some of these issues, and I seem pretty receptive to the ideas she has. We're going to start next week with trying to confront some of the demons from my childhood. I am a little nervous, as she said sometimes it can be very emotionally draining and can be like re-living the emotions and feelings - but when all is said and done, you can leave the physical reponse behind when thinking about those events. I can't wait. I want so badly to be healed and feel like a whole person, deserving of good things. Self-loathing, doubt, self-pity and depression is a sucky place to be. Especially when, looking at mty life with clear eyes, I have things pretty damn good. I just need to clear out the mind-garbage and realize that I am not what I was - I am a new man, and I want my attitude to reflect that. I'm hoping that my therapist can bring a wrecking ball into my head and knock down the walls that time and pain and frustration have built. They're some pretty strong walls, thick with mortar made of hurt, and pain and suffering....But I want to confront it all and bring in that wrecking ball. Bring it on!!!
I ate excessively last night too....not a ton of food, but enough where I know it was a reaction to stress and perhaps boredom. My gramps is back in the hospital - his dementia is pretty bad, and he has Pneumonia and an infection in his ears. I feel so bad for him - I wish I could take some of his pain away. Last night the nurses had to move him to a gurnee to take him for x-rays. When they tried to lift him, he moaned and said, "Awww, come on...I'm beat up enough...." The sound of his voice broke my heart. It's so hard seeing his health decline everytime I see him. I asked him if he knew who I was, and he said, "You're Thomas' friend...." <sigh> I'm hoping he gets better soon....it's disheartening when your "dad" doesn't know who you are. That makes me want to eat just thinking about it. Damn food. Or, better yet, damn brain - it's not the foods fault - I have to take the blame for putting it into my mouth. But, I digress.
I've been a little lax on the cardio too....I've been using the run at State Fair as my excuse, but I think I know the truth...I've just been lazy....I need to get off my tuckus and out of bed in the mornings and just do it. I know I can, I know I will. It's a matter of doing what's best for me....
Well, I think that's about it for now....I have two gigs this weekend - one at Miller Park for 102.9 the Hog and one on Sunday at Zoo Ala Carte....should be fun stuff. Come on out if you get the chance - www.76juliet.com -
If I don't see ya, make it a great weekend -
love & Stuff,
Tommy